Monthly Archives: January 2017

Ode to Co-dependency: We are the ones we’ve been waiting for

“Ode to Co-dependency”, inspired by my last client who is on an amazing journey:

Co-dependents are just about dying for someone to be our safe person. A “port” as my client called it. Because we’ve been taking care of others for so fucking long, **we’re** wanting to be taken care of. Of course!

But we forget that we’re literally the ones we’ve been waiting for.

 

The hardest job for a care giver is to give care themself. My last clients said, “I don’t know how to do that!”. Yup, that’s right. All our strategies and worth and senses of self and identities go to “taking care” of others. We tirelessly hide behind that delusions/illusion- often with grandiosity. “They need me. I have to. They’ll be lost without me.” My goodness! we try so desperately to make ourselves god/important. The more accurate truth is that we’ll be lost without care taking X person. We don’t like to be lost. “The uncertainty that’s here is unbearable,” said my last client. Yes. S/he was feeling her/his aloneness. There was a lot to be felt with that. (Spoiler alert, it was bearable, and she’s still alive).

The idea of making oneself important enough to care for oneself self barely even scratches the surface of our recognition. We’ve sold ourselves out forever, made ourselves unimportant forever- pretending we don’t have needs and wants that we actually do have. In some ways, we barely remember we exist (and yet can be so annoyingly narcissistic at the same time!)

We repeatedly pretend we don’t exist, while “care taking” others, (i.e. hiding behinds our delusions/illusions), with our hearts on empty. Despite pretending that we’re happy and content, we live lives of resentment, bitterness, sweet sorrow, in the hopes that someone will just please fucking take care of us. Because we simply refuse to do it ourselves.

In order to pause being a care taker we have to let go of the delusion/illusion that other people need us so damn much to the extent that we have to sacrifice ourselves. I know that’s how we make ourselves important, cause we’ve disappeared ourself in the ways that really matter. But really, we always need to be present with ourselves. Anything else is fake martyrdom at best, or just an excuse to not be honest with ourselves at worst.

Many of us simply don’t know how to be present with ourselves. We don’t know how to eat well, sleep well, or feel. We cover that up with dissociating, addictions and a slew of other repertoires. We literally have to learn the art of self care. We have to learn the art of becoming intimate with ourselves. We have to learn how to pause long enough to feel. And for some of us, we have to learn that it’s actually safe to feel.

Our brains and systems are amazing through. So we can learn all this. We can learn! We can do new things. We can retrain our neural pathways. We’re amazingly resilient and adaptable creatures. We all have the capacity to feel deeply into ourselves and to be self aware. But we have to have the willingness and courage to rabbit hole- not to find answers but to let go of answers. When we do, we will find the love that lives underneath all. Oddly enough, when we learn how to take care of ourself, we’ll automatically be more present and available for others. That’s just how it goes. It really is a win-win. Love always wins, when you pay homage to it. <3 <3 

The Beginning and Endings of Forever

 

It seems that there are a lot experiencing pain today in my world. I am sending big hugs and love to all of you-to all of us. Particularly if you’re in overwhelm, and feel as though the pain you’re experiencing is just too much.

Have you ever been in so much pain that it felt like life was over? Or that it might as well be over? Maybe it’s come from a break up. Or from addiction. Or from something physical/an illness. Or from someone dying. Or from any number of challenges that you’ve experienced. I have felt pain so deep and wide that although these words didn’t come to me, it felt like my life was over. It was as if that moment I was in, was solid and would last forever. The future felt abysmal.

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When we are experiencing pain (or disorientation, discomfort, uncertainty, etc)- physical, mental and/or emotional- our nervous systems can get impacted and we may start to believe (consciously or subconsciously) that “my life is ending/over”- forever.

Our nervous systems play an important role in our functioning. Please take care of yours. Food, water, sleep, fresh air, music., touch… please do whatever helps your nervous system to feel nourished and supported. Contact me if you’d like more information on how to tend to your precious nervous system.

The belief that “my life is ending/over” can feel so true that we can start to see life only through that filter, and miss how life, in many ways, is also beginning. And ending. And beginning. Even when we’d swear there are just endings.

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In every moment, regardless of what my thoughts are telling me,  there are endings and beginnings. I breath in fresh air, I breath out old air. Beginnings and endings. I stand up, I sit down. Beginnings and endings. Eyes opening, eyes closing. Blinking. Beginnings and endings. Putting food into my mouth, chewing and then swallowing the food. Beginnings and endings. The sun rises, it sets. Beginning and endings. Get curious about the cycle of life-within you and outside of you.  Curiosity is the antidote to certainty, solidity and “forever.” Curiosity about the present shifts our imagined stories about a future that seems to promise doom. There are millions of beginnings and endings happening throughout a day. An hour. A minute.

As you’re able, notice that life itself is continuing to life, even amidst the belief that “my life is ending/over.” Amidst the pain, disorientation, discomfort, and/or uncertainty thoughts, imagery, and sensations continue.

Life keeps happening, even when we believe or feel as though it’s ended. The construct of time continues to happen. Sight continues. Scent continues. Hearing continues. Touch continues. Taste continues. The never ending arrival and departure of perceptual data keeps happening. It never stops.

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When all this incoming data seems like too much it may be useful to bring attention to something simple. Bring yourself to that which is always happening in real time- never in the past and never in the future. Bring your attention to breath. Breath in- a beginning. Breath out- an ending. There is nothing permanent in the experiential perceiving of breath.

No human is alive on this planet without the functioning of breath. If you’re reading this, breath is happening for you, right now. In all moments of life, breath keeps happening, and is at the seeming center of our aliveness.

Life is a series of experiments- experiments that reveal beginnings and endings. I invite you to play with this one: Notice your breath. Feel your breath. Be aware that your being is being breathed- from head to toe, as oxygenated cells move throughout your system. The breath is alive in your toes. In your fingers. In your belly. In your nostrils. Access that curiosity to see where breath is alive for you, right now. Do this experiment as often as you’d like. Notice the endings and beginnings within this experiment. Be curious. Discover, and be discovered.

 

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As you feel your breath, give yourself a big hug from me. Feel your arms supporting you. Feel your breath supporting you. Rest in the movement and expression of beginnings and endings. More are already underway. Forever begins now. It also ends now. And now begins.

There is support for you here, in this moment. If you’d like more intimate connection in your journey, please email me at llmeuser@me.com or check out my other blog posts, where I write extensively about embodiment.

If you are considering suicide or harmful action, please call 911 the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 for immediate assistance.  <3

Embodiment: Getting to know and love all of you.

A New Deepening Course: Embodiment-Getting to know and love all of you.

March 11, 25, April 8: noon-2pm EST

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Embodiment is about being fully present with the “here and now” of life. Aligning with and attending to safety in the present moment is an important aspect of being able to journey through current day challenges as well a traumatic/difficult experiences from our childhoods/past. In this Embodiment Deeping Course we will explore how to develop the ability and capacity to slow down so that we can gently and safely turn attention toward and into our experience of the present moment- whatever they may be. We will curiously explore the realm of aliveness in our experience- sensations, energies and feelings. We’ll also be inquiring into all the thoughts and images, taking a look at what seems true, and then experiencing what’s actually true. We’ll explore barriers to experiencing wholeness, and useful resources in developing kindness with our experiences- especially with those we tend to turn away from.

 

This course will utilize the Living Inquiries, the N.O.W. practice, natural rest, breathing techniques, and some gentle body movement to explore your various experiences- shame, trauma, depression, anxiety, compulsions, identities, body contractions, debilitating thoughts and/or memories and more. You will also become familiar with the nervous system, vigilance centers, the fight-flight-freeze responses, and learn about ways to support and be kind and loving with your self. Lastly, you will get to experience the different inquiries first hand, and be able to practice skills for learning how to self-inquire.

 

I will be facilitating and guiding you in practices which will start to re-wire your nervous system and limbic system in ways that are profound.

You will have recordings so that you can practice on your own between class dates, which will help replace old habitual behaviors with new useful behaviors. All of this will set the stage for deeper self-intimacy and knowing, with compassion and love.

 

Course Information:

March 11, 25, April 8: noon-2pm EST

 

This is an on-line course. I use zoom, which is similar to Skype. You can attend from anywhere in the world using a phone, iPad type of device, or computer!

 

On top of the 3 group sessions, you will receive a total of six individual facilitations: Four with Senior Facilitator Trainer Lisa Meuser and two facilitations with Certified Living Inquiries facilitators.

 

All classes will be recorded so if you are unable to attend one, you’ll receive the recording. Also included in the course will be multiple natural rest and guided rest audios and videos, and a private FB group for participants to share and receive support.

Please email me for questions. llmeuser@me.com

 

Cost $425. This counts as a prerequisite for Living Inquiries facilitator training.