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Trusting Life Enough to Pause and Feel Through, or, another day in the life softening while learning Muay Thai.

I take myself wherever I go; if I’m working on stuff internally, it comes with me into different contexts of life.

Generally speaking, because I experience energetic arisings as sacred- precious- I let whatever is arising within me have its place and I do my best to treat these openings with the upmost honoring. 

Trusting that I’m safe enough to pause and feel has changed my life. It has meant that I can be myself more. It has meant that I can mask less, repress less, hide less… you get the idea.

Translation? I can trust life enough to be myself within Life.

This is a relief. And, still can be mess, uncomfortable and awkward.

It doesn’t really matter where I am- I’ve cried my way through airports, grocery stores, dentist, appointments, restaurants.

And Muay Thai work outs. 

Something I’ve been journeying through – a core belief from my youngest years that hasn’t fully met love yet-popped right up in the middle of training today. 

My heart chakra wanted time, right as I was learning a sequence. I attempted to stay soft with it, while learning the linearity of the sequence. I didn’t want to stop the lesson. I didn’t want what was bubbling up, to bubble over… but the opening required more space and attention. 

I paused… I trusted the process of pausing…  and gave space to what was opening, even though I was in the middle of a 1:1 lesson. Phew. That was hard. Trust.

As I stepped outside into the sun, the tears flowed. And flowed. I wasn’t sure when they’d stop. I breathed, and breathed some more. The opening took up more space, the pain of the old belief pattern shifted, and a softness emerged more fully from within me.

The rawness was still there, within my heart chakra, but the tears stopped. I returned to train. The softness and the rawness stayed, and so did I.  

For what it’s worth, it’s rarely comfortable to move into this kind of trust.  It was hella awkward to pause in the middle of my training session to have a big cry! But I’m pretty used to being awkward, I’m pretty used to being uncomfortable, and more and more I’m used to trusting the process of honoring my humanity.


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