Exploring Being Committed without Attachment
One of my mentors teaches something called cross negation. In short: put yourself fully into what your heart is devoted to, as if your life depends on it, knowing that it does not. This is a deep invitation to be fully in life, committed, centered in serving Love, while at the very same time not knowing what the outcome might be and/or not being attached to an outcome. The Bhagavat Gita is my favorite story which illustrates this principle, this way of Being. (let me know if you want to know my fav. translation).
I have been extending this toward so many things in my life this year. It is not easy work. In the beginning it makes almost no sense, and often feels counterintuitive. Over time, something starts to flip, and what felt like slightly insane starts to take on a very different alignment: the only way to sanely live this one life. It is to act in accordance with the truth of love as it is revealing itself in a moment, only for the sake of it being truth.
From here I have seen and lived the seemingly impossible, the unexpected. My journey of freedom in relation to my family of origin in an overt example, but there are too many to name, because they have become common place in my life by this time.
What spurred this post was my passport. After I announced my Amsterdam retreat  I found out that my renewed passport was not due to be returned to until *after* the date of my retreat. Even though it made no sense, I moved forward, and fully remained dedicated to what I had committed myself to. I put a duplicate passport photo on my alter and, practicing the art of cross negation, I remained committed .
Cause and effect are a real thing, we just don’t get to know what is causing what effect. All I know is that I have received my passport back, a full 6 weeks early.
I still don’t know if the retreat will happen. I don’t control what is outside of me, but I do have choice with how I engage with life. I choose Love, not knowing what it will bring, but knowing there is nothing more true.
