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Seeing Beyond the Curtain


My blogging pace has slowed down. There’s been a lot going on in my world lately- a lot to process… and a lot of action and engagement with life.

On top of being fully engaged in preparation for the Exploration (which just started yesterday!!!!! eeeeeee!!!!!)  I have been serving as support staff/a Sa for Brig Feltu’s Heal Thyself course , a Transformative Initiation for People Racialized as White (it used to be called a course in diversity and consciousness). This course breaks me open and engages me deeply on so many levels…

If you’ve been through this course you know about Master Teacher Seba Inpu. In every course he shares 15k years of history in 120+ minutes.

Yes, really!

I think most of us know  by now that the history we’ve received in our schooling is inadequate, full of misinformation, in the very least, and more likely – full of lies and fabrications used to control.

As Seba Inpu speaks, people’s faces and energies starts to get real interesting, real quick. My own brain and my body do their best to keep up… as the cracks in the realty I was told keep getting bigger and wider. Certain puzzle pieces fall away, and then others land in. Sometimes there is great disturbance, and then other times something “comes together”.

There is no point in trying to hold any of it together… and at the same time, can that be helped? The disorientation is uncomfortable. My system wants to open, and at the same time it does not. I am as patient with myself as I can be, while staying in the fire as truth is revealed.

Every time I listen to Seba Inpu speak (I think this past week was my 4th time)… I see another layer behind the curtain… and another… and another.  I went to an art museum yesterday and the lens through which I was seeing was different than ever before. I felt a lot of unsettled anger in my body… and today the layer underneath has revealed itself:  enormous grief at what oppressive dominant narrative and the cis hetero patriarchal settler colonial capitalist system has created, perpetuated, and sold as truth- through art. I had just not seen the depth imperialist propaganda that art has been a part of, in just this way.

As I type this I am reminded of all the spiritual “wake ups” that I have had in my life. Each time “I” would be blown open I’d find myself in some of the same dynamics as shared above. Waking up to the truths of culture is no different, as we are opened to Seeing a truth beyond what had been presented to us as real. When we are willing to listen, learn, and be a part of the never-ending co-creation of life, the curtains will always continue to part, revealing More. This is the journey of life… we grow and expand… and the journey never ends.

I feel my heart opening wider, and deeper. I also feel my system trying to control it, manage it, and escape it. I keep taking breaths. I keep having conversations.  I stay aware of the dance.

This is not going away, and I’m committed to this work. It is my life’s purpose to serve Love, and become intimate with anything in Love’s way. I am Here and I am grateful.

Artist of the piece in the photo:  Anila Quayyum Agha


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