Something in my nervous system feels the difference in those words- when what was originally born through heart expanding desire, starts to cross the line into a more restrictive feeling of desperation.
If we (yes, you and me, right now) slow down… and connect to these words together… I wonder: can we feel the resonance of each word, and how they might have a flavor of expansive clarity and/or how they might have a flavor of fear?
If we give ourselves the gift of slowing down… and do that again: Take a breath. Feel your sitting body. With your body, as you read each word, can you feel the resonance of the word, and how the word might have a flavor of expansive clarity, and/or how the word might have a flavor of fear? The responses we have to these words can help us develop an awareness when those resonances pop up in our day to day lives.
This awareness helps me to name when I’m moving from what I do want (i.e. what I desire), and when I’m moving from something different than that.
I have a daily practice of being in relationship with the mental clarity and somatic expansion that comes when I am connected with my desires- what I *do* want. This clarity and expansion fuel passion, and readiness, and so much… AND oh phew! if I’m not staying slow and conscious, the resonances of fear can start to tap dance in pretty subtly. Before I know it I might be leaning into urgency and desperation, because desperation is such a part of my programming. In other words, fear is something I’ve moved from a lot in my life, whereas clarity is something that’s come into my awareness more in the second half my life.
Disclaimer- this is not to say that moving from urgency is always “bad”, or having fear is “bad”. AND, if I am experiencing urgency and/or fear, I want to be clear about that, and explore if the urgency and fear is warranted, or if they are more habituated responses.
For me, in my current life? Fear and urgency have been habituated states that often have nothing to do with the reality I’m in currently, and are carry overs from old traumatic experiences. It’s empowering for me to be able to slow down and name that.
I can usually suss out when hints of desperation or urgency start to show up. My mind isn’t as clear. My body is a bit more tight. I feel a sense of burden (a resonance I know all too well). I feel a “motor running” or frenetic kind of energy. These are my personal “signs” that communicate to me that something is up- I’m no longer moving from clarity. We all have our own signatures but you may be able to relate to some of the resonances I described.
When what started out as passion and clarity, tips into resonances of dysfunction and fear, I know it is time to pause. Another rather humbling way of saying this is that when I’m no longer moving from my heart, and instead moving from my head, I’ve got to slow down. Phew. When I start to notice this, I put the brakes on because I am committed to being of service to what is life enriching and expansive.
Staying True to My Desires
Many of you know that I’ve just released my 2022 Exploration. I AM SO EXCITED!!! and… sometimes I don’t know how to be with my beautifully inspired passions and visions, and I move ever so subtly out of integrity. I started seeing this in myself with a client a few weeks and I am so grateful that (1) this client gave me feedback, and (2) the dynamic I have with clients invites honesty and transparency. In a coaching session with one of my mentor’s, she helped me to unpack this. In our chat I could feel my body and heart align as I shared my desires with her.
I desire community and intimate connections that are generative- life giving and life promoting- and are in integrity. I desire to grow and learn with change makers in feeling empowered and invigorated in our lives and profession. I desire to support change makers in being enlivened and playful in our lives and profession. Lastly, I desire to slow down so as to be able to be present in my dynamics, as my other desires rests upon that.
It’s important for me to stay connected and committed to my desires, and I am deeply grateful for those who help me realign when I’ve moved into my old patterning. Staying connected and centering my desires co-creates my reality. This is not necessarily easy for me- AND the effort utilized and commitment present has been life changing for me.
What are you committed to in your life? What desires are co-creating your life? If this is new for you, you’re not alone! Connecting to our embodied desires is new for most of us. A participant in the 2021 MIE posted in our community of practice site:
During my last session with Lisa, we explored how I felt overcome by desires and like they were overwhelming and I created a lot of drama and energy around them. We practiced giving them space. Already, I am noticing that my desires have a much less hold on me. They’re still there, but when I noticed them I kinda take a smile and a breath and decide what I want to do about it—the answer is almost always nothing. I feel more grounded and less like a puppy who chases after every little ball that rolls in front of him. Yes, changes must happen gradually but sometimes it’s a pleasant surprise at how fast some growth happens as well. Lisa’s great insight for me was that maybe I just need to get used to feeling. After so many years of numbing myself out. That gave me the permission to just let things play out a bit and seems to be getting more comfortable already.
Please let me know how I can support you. We learn with one another- we learn in community. And, if you are a mental health or well-being professional committed to change, check out my next Exploration!